Am I selfish?

Okay. I think I should say everything out now. Maybe after I typed out all the things in my mind, I might be much clearer and I would know what should I do..

I always think that it's a very wonderful miracle when someone you like confessed to you and he wanted to be with you. But now, I hope this miracle wouldn't happen to me. Because of this incident, I'hv made a lot of stupid and wrong decision, and I also hurt someone that actually care for me..

 I always think that if I can act more dumb and stupid, I wouldn't face the cruel of the truth. But I was so wrong. I'm just act like I don't know but actually I know it and I can feel it.

I'm so sorry. I shouldn't be so playful.. I shouldn't give you that paper just for fun, especially when it's Valentine that day. If I'm more mature, I wouldn't act cute in front of you... So you wouldn't care me or even like me.Then you might not be so hurt... And see what I'hv done now? I hurt you so badly and you still have to act like there's nothing wrong. Now, you started to ignore me. I'm so regret now, but what can I do? I keep on asking myself, is there necessary to make our friendship ends up like this? But everything is just too late. What can I do? I don't even dare to talk to you now.. I'm so sorry....

For the one who I actually like, I wish to be with you. Really... But you know? You just confess to a girl few weeks ago and now it's me. I not sure that you really liked me or you have some other reasons to be with me... You make me feel so insecure. Should I decline you so that he wouldn't hurt so much, or be with you so to satisfied my wish? I wish after I'hv made a decision, it wouldn't hurt both of you so much..

I'm sorry for writting such a moody post...